Day 13 - white knuckling through wine o'clock

I woke up at the crack of dawn this morning to get ready for a meeting, make the kids breakfast, make their lunches, drive 45 minutes across town to sit in a two hour meeting. I had my workout clothes and wanted to check out a nature trail at a local state park so I figured, "I'll go check it out and get a run in before having to drive back almost an hour to my side of the town."

I paid the $5 fee and was so excited to finally have the chance to enjoy a quiet moment in a different setting, while exploring something I had been thinking about for a while. I went to get my clothes to change and realized I hadn't brought my running shoes. The only shoes I had were my wedge sandals that I wore to the morning meeting...I honestly thought about going barefoot but instead I just turned around and left the park.

I picked the kids up from school and we went to Target to get some fun stuff for the weekend - water balloons, whoopee cushions and Pop Its. And then proceeded to get stuck in traffic for literally an hour.

The rest of the afternoon was spent blowing up the whoopee cushions a thousand times over, filling water balloons and cleaning them up, listening to the Pop Its crack on our driveway and then cleaning them up. My husband was late coming home from playing golf so I popped open sparkling cider I got at Target and it was as awful as I had expected. It sucked. So I battled having a beer for a good hour. What was it that I wanted? An escape from the mundane? A stress reliever around screaming boys? A familiar habit to fall back on?

I'm 41 and honestly have not gone more than two weeks ever without alcohol since I was 20. Except for when I was pregnant. But then there is a part of me that says, so what? What's the big fucking deal? Just have a goddamn glass of wine already. Ugh, it's exhausting. I'm pretty sure I'll make it til tomorrow, which will be day 14 but it's harder than usual. I took a shower and put on comfy PJs and it's not even 7. Just keep thinking about going to bed sober and not feeling guilty tomorrow morning.