sober treats

I told myself "I'm going to drink tonight" last night

I tend to always share the successes I have around this alcohol free journey I'm on.

  • I feel great!

  • Look at my skin!

  • I'm so much better sober!

I feel like this is a disservice to you - and that I'm presenting a picture that appears as if I have life all figured out.

So yesterday I had a long day. I will spare the details but wanted to share with you what I did when a strong urge came in to my mind about drowning out my stress with wine - and what I did about those feelings.

I quit smoking more than a decade ago but - every once in a blue moon - my brain will say, "just buy a pack of cigarettes and smoke one."

And of course I say back to my brain, "that is an idiotic idea. Why would you do that to your body and risk the chance of getting addicted to it all over again?"

I'm assuming this is the same process with alcohol. My brain has been conditioned to believe that alcohol is the one and only way to make it through a stressful day - even after I have plenty of examples of proving my brain otherwise.

This is what a wrote a friend and wanted to share:


I drove two hours back and it took me forever because there was so much traffic.

  • I told myself, I am going to drink tonight.

  • I am going to have wine.

  • I deserve it.

  • No one else gives a shit if I drink or don’t drink.

  • Everyone else in the world drinks except me.

  • What am I trying to prove anyway?

But then I reminded myself:

  • I am NOT my thoughts.

  • I can FEEL these things and don’t have to ACT on them.

  • It won’t be worth it.

  • The IDEA is better than actually DOING IT.

I came home and my husband had made a nice dinner and I asked him to get Marble Slab ice cream (vanilla with chocolate chip sprinkles) and it was all good.

I told myself alcohol won’t do anything but make me tired and feel and look like crap tomorrow. And then I put the kids to bed and was able to put my sober head on a pillow and get some sleep. Proud to work through these feelings and let them pass. 💛

Also, I came across a great podcast episode from Rachel Hart Coaching that tackles the subject of commitment versus wanting and wanted to share.

It is my true desire that this will reach someone who needs it this weekend. xo Kim

P.S. I also shared this in the private member group on Facebook. Want to join the conversation over there? Click here.

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The Strategy of Staying Sober

Garden Chess Set at hotel during vacation Wow! Just packed up the car and the kids and are on our way home from a very quick beach trip.

I'm happy to report that I woke up clearheaded and FREE of REGRET because I stayed sober during this four day vacation.

Today marks 35 days of being alcohol free and I really do think there is something to the science of it taking a certain amount of time - such as 21 or 28 days - to form a habit. I see it becoming infinitely easier to reach for a water or ask for a soda water at a restaurant (where my default used to be asking for a wine or beer).

I woke up at 5 a.m. one morning because I wanted to go for a run and watch the sunrise in silence. (Since we only stayed for three nights, we got a hotel room with two beds so we have been sharing a room with two four year olds the whole time!)

When I walked out to the beach I passed a garden chess set and thought about the strategy of staying sober.

For me, it has never worked for just announce "I'm done with alcohol" and stick to it. To make it to 35 days and beyond I have had to really set up a strategy for success.

And, much like chess, my success thus far has depended on thinking several steps ahead of my opponent (in this case a run drink on the beach, a glass of wine at dinner or a Bloody Mary in the morning - because it's "acceptable on vacation right?!").

Here's how I approached this particular game. And it started way before my toes hit the sand.

  1. Visualization - while I was packing for the trip, I visualized myself staying sober and having a great time. I clearly saw myself ordering a soda water at dinner time and getting up early to enjoy a coffee and morning run. I think it's an important piece to get your subconscious and brain on board with buying in to a new normal.
  2. I Stopped Romanticizing Alcohol - when I would yearn for a robust Cabernet or a spicy Mai Tai, I really thought about deconstructing all the lies about alcohol. Would it numb me from the stress of having two young children at the beach? Sure. But then I'm trying to numb out of every experience. It wouldn't magically turn me into a new person free of struggles or disappointments. It would just numb me. And that's not what I want out of life
  3. I Thought Through the Drink - would that first glass of wine feel great as it slowly circulated through my system? Yeah. I know it would. By the temporary anesthetic (because that is what it is) would wear off quickly! And then I would be left wanting more and more. Until I tried to go to sleep and ended up having alcohol-induced insomnia. I would be anxious as hell he next morning and full of regret. And my skin that has cleared up so wonderfully would start to break out. And I would be back at Day 1, waiting for alcohol to get through my system. And I don't want that.

Alcohol wouldn't magically turn me into a new person free of struggles or disappointments. It would just numb me. And that's not what I want out of life.

So, it is possible to go on a vacation and stay alcohol free!! And all in all I had a great time. I wasn't chasing my next drink. I wasn't worried about balancing my beer in the pool while playing g with my kids. I wasn't worried about breaking out because I wouldn't have washed my face full of sunscreen at bedtime because I would have been a little drunk.

We played putt putt, went on an alligator adventure, built sand castles (that would not have been up to anyone's rudimentary standards!), drove go karts (I myself chose to adhere to very conservative speeds) and enjoyed quality time together. Without alcohol shoving its way into the mix.

Did we get on each other's nerves? Have a few crying fits? Get irritated by sand everywhere? Sure. But this has been a resounding success in my sober story!

Be Prepared - Sober Tip and Tool Box

IMG_6329.JPG O.K So I'm back on Day 2 folks. This journey has had many ups and downs! Each time I break a sober streak, I don't like to start back at the beginning but I really feel like I have learned from each misstep.

I've pretty much learned how to get through stressful situations or unpleasant situations (temper tantrums, feeling overwhelmed with work/life balance, fight with husband, etc.). I had a lot of practice - and Day 1s! - figuring it all out and "thinking through the drink."

My latest hurdle (and reason for being back at Day 2) was a simple beer at the pool. It was a nice sunny Sunday. We were hanging out with friends and I decided to crack open a can of beer.

I didn't have a second one. I felt irritable and tired the rest of the day but it taught me that I have to prepare for the Good Days and Sunshine too!

O.K. So tonight we are going to watch fireworks for July 4.

I need to prepare tonight so I'm going to:

  • Visualize myself enjoying the fireworks and enjoying water and saying no to alcohol and crawling into bed without a drop of alcohol.
  • I'm going to think about those who inspire me - like some of my favorite authors of sober success stories (Clare Pooley, Bex Weller and Elizabeth Vargas)
  • PREPARE - what am I going to say tonight when someone asks me if I want a drink:
    • No thanks, I'm not drinking tonight
    • No thanks, I'm doing a sober challenge
    • No thank you
    • No, not for me thanks

Someone on Instagram suggested "I'm a retired professional" which is fun. But I'm going to head on over there, enjoy the fireworks with the kiddos and just say no!

Week 1 Sober Treat - New Tassel Earrings!

IMG_5377 O.K. Well I decided that I will splurge in a small sober treat after each week. Now that I'm on Day 7, naturally I kept my promise to myself. I got these pink tassel earrings that are handmade in South Carolina. They are a fun color and just what I was looking for. A few ideas for the next sober treat:

  • Manicure/pedicure
  • Massage/facial
  • Sweet treats from Whole Foods - I love their power bites
  • A new book - I recently read A Happier Hour and loved it
  • New pair of running shoes
  • Swimsuit - going to the beach in June and need to start thinking about the swimsuit - YIKES
  • Ingredients for fun mocktail

The list goes on and on. Happy Sober Saturday!